How to bounce back like a boss after life goes to shit

How to bounce back like a boss after life goes to shit. Discover the 4 practical ways to recover from an emotionally shitty period and thrive with a positive mindset! Click through to read the full post!

Control. It’s a weird concept huh? Some people can’t get enough of it and some are more relaxed about it, but on some degree, people still like a bit of it as part of a routine. People like knowing what their week holds, it’s comforting right?

I’ve been a bit quiet lately on the blog and it’s not because I’m working on some secret project that’s coming out shortly. I wish I had been that productive and probably had plans to, but instead, I felt my mindset was completely out of whack, everything flew out of control and it left me feeling emotionally drained, overwhelmed, guilty and paralyzed.

Now whilst I’m a Virgoan, I don’t consider myself to be a control freak, quite the opposite actually. If you ask anyone that knows me, they’d say I’m the most chillaxed person ever, but one thing I do admit to is that I’m organised and like to plan (and that’s exactly why I’m so chillaxed, because I’m organised!) When I do plan something, I actually like to carry it through and when things don’t go as planned… well…

So recently a lot of life unexpectedly just happened. My increasingly forgetful grandfather went missing for 2 days. On the first night we discovered he hadn’t gone home, we searched for him in his usual haunts, but no luck. As time ticked on and we grew increasingly worried with no news, it was lucky a cleaner found him, very early on Saturday morning, trying to catch some sleep on some steps outside of a building in a suburb he never usually goes. Sans a few bruises, it was lucky he was OK. Miscommunication causing havoc and even an old ghost from the past unexpectedly reared his ugly head… (Is this Mercury retrograde’s doing?!)

So it made me remember, all we can expect in this life is change. Nothing will ever remain static, nor is anything really under our control. So try as we might, to have our life under control, sometimes it all goes to shit and all we can do is continually work on becoming better at rolling with change. Which made me realise, that having a strong mindset to effectively deal, is sooo important.

So despite all this unexpected stress in my life, I kept trying to just power through with my usual routine and it was an epic fail. I was completely unproductive, easily irritated, distracted and basically floundered about because emotionally I was a mess.

I finally realised that although I thought that I had processed it all, there were residual feelings left over and they were clawing away in the back of my mind that it was unhealthy to ignore or suppress those feelings. I realised that even though things were largely resolved, I needed to give myself permission and time to just feel the feels and not feel shit about it because I wasn’t “back to normal” nor living up to my ideal(istic) self imposed standards. I had to give all the time I needed to reflect on what had happened and process life.

It’s been a month plus since all of this unfolded and I only now can I say that I feel better and more positive overall. I know that at the end of one’s life, no one ever wishes they had worked more and in this life and in the present, relationships are what makes living life meaningful and worthwhile. I’ve never been this honest in a blog post about my feelings before, but I thought these mindset lessons were particularly relevant and worth sharing.

Well, life has a funny way of sneaking up on you,
When you think everything’s okay and everything’s going right,
And life has a funny way of helping you out when,
You think everything’s gone wrong and everything blows up in your face.

 

GET IT OUT OF YOUR SYSTEM

Often underused and laughed at as a “waste” of time, I find that spending time reflecting by myself, a hot cup of coffee with a journal and paper was so relaxing, therapeutic and cathartic. A journal is like your best friend, without any judgement whatsoever. It’s only for your eyes only. Let’s face it, as much as your best friend may love you, as humans, there will always be some sort of judgement (even if it’s very small and even if they don’t actually express it.) Pour your heart (and/or tears) out onto the paper or if you prefer in a word document on your computer. Do a massive brain dump and let the words swim around on the pages in front of you to clear your head. In many ways, I find that it helps me to see the situation a lot more clearly, less emotionally and more rationally, which may help you come to a solution.

Once all the negativity/confusion/pros/cons are outside of me, it’s a relief. I acknowledge it for what it is and let it go. Maybe you had to experience this situation for you to learn a specific lesson. Perhaps this was a season of painful but necessary personal growth. Letting go and forgiving yourself and/or the other person(s) may be the most difficult lesson of all. Forgiving yourself and/or the other person(s) doesn’t mean what you/they did was right, but by not letting go, you’re keeping yourself tied down to a negative anchor and suffocating yourself. This forgiveness exercise may not happen overnight, but keep working on it. One day, you’ll wake up and realise you’ve completely forgiven yourself and the other person, and you’ll be truly free. #clicheashellbutsotrue

 

SHAKE YOUR BOOTY

All too often, exercise is the #1 thing that gets scrapped from the diary, when you’re too busy, too tired, would rather watch tv blah blah blah. Trust me I know. In high school, I was super sporty and played sport at least 3 times a week. Come uni starting full time work, I had stopped exercising completely (I was lucky I had a fast metabolism.) But now, at 30, I noticed my jeans were getting uncomfortably tighter than they used to be and could no longer just rely on my metabolism. I knew I should start exercising, but I was just so lazy and unmotivated.

But late last year, I caught up with a girlfriend that I hadn’t seen since graduating from uni and she shared that her dad has passed away from cancer. She said that he had worked so hard throughout his entire life as a prison guard and when he was nearing retirement, he found out about his terminal diagnosis. Since his passing, she’s had a new focus on health, because she realised, that without her health, there’s no quality in life.

This hit me like a BOMB.

 

So since that conversation, it’s lit a fire up my ass to take my booty to the gym, to the tune of 4 times a week. Now, I can hear your groans echo through the internets, and I know that for some of you, it may not be that easy to get active 4 times a week for at least 2.5 hours – because you may have a family, young kids, a full time job, no one to exercise with etc etc – but all these are just excuses. If this is actually important to you, you would make the time in your schedule. What is 2.5 hours out of the usual 112 hours (assuming you wake at 7am and sleep at 11pm) you’re awake most weeks? 2% of your awake time!

Studies even show that failing to meet the recommended rate of weekly physical activity can lead to increased chances of anxiety disorders or depression. The recommended rate of weekly activity is 2.5 hours of moderate physical activity. Physical activity isn’t necessarily going to the gym either, it could be using the stairs instead of the escalator, getting off the train 1 stop earlier to walk the rest of the way, or even parking a bit further and walking the rest of the way. (For the full article: SMH.com.au)

It’s necessary to have a strong body, strong mindset and energy to work towards the life you want. The more often you go to the gym/exercise/play sport/shake your booty, the more endorphins your body releases. You’ll feel more awake, have more energy and get into the best shape of your life! What’s not to like about that?

How can you possibly reach the goals you’ve laid out and actually live the life you desire, if you’re constantly tired, dealing with health issues and disliking your body image? This all impacts negatively on your self esteem, influencing your mindset and the negative thoughts will gain power, impeding your progress towards the life you desire.

 

JUST DO IT

If you’ve got a full time job and your business is your side hustle, it can be really easy to come home after a long day at work, get dinner ready, throw a load of laundry on and be way too exhausted to hustle on your side gig. Whilst it’s important to regularly rest and take care of your body, it can also be just as easy, to chillax on the couch and before you know it, you’ve watched a few episodes of your favourite TV show on Netflix and all your free time on the weekend is gone.

If you’re serious about your side gig but not realistically planning and using your free time effectively, it’ll take you much longer to reach your goals (if at all) and start living the life you desire. If you’re not sure exactly how to plan your time effectively and efficiently, check out my blog post where I share why it’s vital to only focus on 1 major goal per quarter, the simple and practical planner I use to break down your SMART goals into smaller, more manageable steps to actually achieve it.

Excel quarterly planner for handmade businesses

Need to back track and actually figure out how to write goals that are specific, measurable, achievable, realistic and timely? Check out my post here, where I break down the process into easy steps to follow.

Plans don’t always go to plan and it’s OK. Learn to pivot and rearrange, you’re not a failure if you get to your goal later, at least you got there in the end. It does not matter how slowly you go, as long as you do not stop working towards your goal. But the most important thing is to actually do what you planned to do! If you haven’t yet heard of Gary Vaynerchuk, get onto his Instagram for a much needed kick up the bum. He tells it like it is, and reiterates time and time again, that taking action is the difference between you living a mediocre life or an extraordinary life. Most likely, the life you desire is not one that’s mediocre and it’s on the other side of the line, where it requires you to become comfortable doing uncomfortable things you’ve never done before.

 

IT’S ALL ABOUT YOU, BABY

In this life, people will come and go. You may only stay friends with certain people for a period of time and differences can even divide families. You’ll come across people who don’t support your dream and think it’s all impossible. Leave them alone and let them stay with their small thoughts in their small minds.

Surround yourself with positivity – whether it be mantras you tell your reflection every morning and every evening, inspirational quotes curated on a secret (or not so secret) Pinterest board, surround yourself with things that keep you focussed and motivated when times get tough. Follow The Nerd Burgers on Pinterest for some daily inspiration!

 

Mood boards, posters and paintings work well too to pump up and supercharge your positive mindset muscles. They serve as visual reminders of what bigger goals you want to achieve and the life you want to live. Stick these near your work area, so you can see them everyday as a motivating reminder. I’ve got 2 quotes I particularly like hand painted onto some watercolour paper near my computer.

  • “It does not matter how slowly you go, as long as you do not stop” and
  • “Don’t downgrade your dream just to fit your reality. Upgrade your conviction to match your destiny.”

What will you choose?

The only relationship that is constant and one where you have control over is the one you have with yourself. Although one’s self esteem is fluid and there’ll always be ups and downs, continually work on becoming your own best cheerleader. If even you don’t believe in yourself, who else will? One major benefit of maturing, is that you get to know yourself better. You know what you like, what you don’t like, your goals become clearer with more life experience. Never stop spending time reflecting and getting to know yourself even better, explore different interests and hobbies, spend time with yourself and enjoy your own company!

Looking to explore developing your mindset even deeper? Books are often a great go-to resource. Some books that I’ve read that I recommend include:

Whatever your situation may be, you’ve gotta say that, it’s always easier with like-minded company. So as often as we may just work by ourselves, it’s important we connect with likeminded people to keep our sanity and our mindsets! Seek out other people who are doing what you’re doing, even if you consider yourself to be an introvert, it’s so easy now to find and connect with likeminded people over the internet, all around the world! Your new business friends will just get how you feel and can offer possible solutions to overcome problems about difficult customers, issues with the post, packaging etc. As much as your friends, family or partner may try – if they’re not hustling the way you do, they just won’t quite get it, because they are not experiencing it themselves.

 

Let's meet up for coffee!

LET’S GRAB COFFEE TOGETHER!

Which brings me to throw the idea of organising a coffee meet up out there! For any Sydney based Nerd Burgers, I’d love to take things offline and meet you in person! It’ll be a casual get together with some hot coffee involved, if you’re interested, leave me your deets below so I can share with you more details. I’ll see you soon!

Monica is a corporate cubical escape artist turned jewellery maker, designer and creative business infopreneur. She helps fellow artists, designers and makers launch and grow a handmade business they love.
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